i want to do everything, so i do nothing

inspired by: luisa

often, i dream about everything i could be:
a musician with calloused fingers,
a traveler tracing the edges of the world,
a poet - a songwriter,
a master of my craft,
a voice that guides.

observing those who are is not enough.

i want that. i want to create that. i want to be that.

but i never seem to arrive at my desires.
and on the rare occasions i do, it feels like luck -
like a single bright moment that slips through my hands
as quickly as it struck.

when i was young, my dreams were big, achievable.
and i was virtually unstoppable.
in my mind, that is.

and now that time has passed, i am actually unstoppable.
every decision i make weaves a golden thread
in my fate.

so i began spinning:
calloused fingers,
tracing the edges of the world,
pouring myself into blank pages.
but the thread always seems to run short on each journey;
not allowing me to continue down any solid path,
not giving me permission to keep trying -
even when i am not extraordinary.

i wonder about the blur between
a lack of gravity and laziness.
and often times, with a heavy heart,
i admit that maybe they are the same.

why do i yearn for something that can be reached?